You may be a religious fanatic if…

The last few months of blogging and Facebook debates have been a real roller coaster ride. The responses have ranged from amorphous confusion, to intellectually challenging, to patronising evasion, to ranting hate speech – the sum total of which is rather eye opening.

It never ceases to amaze me how emotional people get about something they didn’t invent and have no responsibility to defend, as though saying something like: “The creation myth is far less likely to have occurred than the possibility of biogenesis followed by evolution through natural selection” could be interpreted to mean: “You’re really stupid and your character is seriously flawed!!” Of course there are people who fit that description, but those traits can be found in Theists, Agnostics and Atheists alike. When I propose an idea, I am simply hoping to get some rational response with underlying reasons for why people agree or disagree – quite simple really… one would think.

I am particularly fascinated by people who say, “I’m not religious – I just love God”, or the Charismatic favourite, “It’s not about religion – it’s about relationship” – a relationship that results in weekly temple attendance, weekly bible studies, prophetic-intercessory-worship meetings, daily devotionals, blessing of homes, religious marriage-baptism-funeral ceremonies… how stupid of me to call it a religion! “Of course, anyone else that does any of that stuff is certainly religious – what we do is relationship because our God is actually real” – ah, I must have missed that very crucial piece of the puzzle…!

So in the spirit of calling apples, apples, and to settle the debate about whether or not what you’re doing is religious…

1. YOU MAY BE A RELIGIOUS FANATIC IF
   
   1. You think God cares what banners or objects you hang in your church auditorium.
   2. You thing God cares if you understand how the Trinity works.
   3. You think God favours your church above everyone else’s.
   4. You would kill for God if you really believed he was telling you to do so.
   5. You think there’s a lake of fire somewhere in the universe called ‘Hell’ where most people (except those in your church) will be spending an eternity in spirit form crying in agony and gnashing their teeth!
   6. You think there’s a calm and white place in the universe called ‘Heaven’ where God sits on a chair (possibly tired from standing) and you’ll be going there in spirit form when you die to be very blissful and sing a lot about how great God is for saving you and a few others.
   7. You believe that God has a prescribed way for people to dress and live and love and cohabitate and have sex – and it’s your way.
   8. You believe that no one should ever dare question the existence of your God or the reasons why you believe because doing so would result in a great smiting upon that individual by God, and if God’s not quick off the mark you’ll be happy to do it for him.
   9. You believe that the best way to live is by faith and not intellect. If you can believe something without evidence, it is bound to be more real than believing any silly evidence that may be presented. After all, it’s those Atheists and Scientists (spawn of Satan) that are always asking why, why, why?!!?!!?
   10. You know how to deal with sceptics on Facebook… just ignore everything they’re saying and respond with something that will move their heart like, “It’s not about religion brother, it’s about relationship”, or, “what happened to you my brother? God still loves you”, or, “I’m praying for you”. That’ll show em!!
   11. You only watch God TV, only read books from CUM bookstore and have Hillsongs playing on your radio 24 hours per day – either to keep the demons away or more probably to make sure you don’t hear or see anything that might shake your immovable faith…
   12. You feel guilty when you don’t wake up in time to get to church on Sunday.
   13. You’ve been trying to ’save’ your husband for 10 years but he’s somehow always happier than you are.
   14. You can’t speak to non-Christians because… well… you just can’t.
2. YOU MAY BE A RELIGIOUS FANATIC IF you actually believe any of the following:
   
   1. That every living species of animal made its way, in pairs, to Noah’s house, and survived the journey – then somehow fitted onto a large boat and survived several weeks at sea – then left the boat and moved out into the world, previously flooded, and survived long enough to have offspring – and that every marsupial found their way (across the ocean) to Australia, not stopping anywhere along the way to inhabit any other part of the world, however no other animal decided to take that journey – and that the world’s population started from scratch again after the flood even though we know that Egypt was already in its 5^th dynasty (at least) at this time, not to mention the Minoans or Ancient Greeks or Chinese…
   2. That an all knowing, all powerful, all good, all loving God
      1. Created the devil.
      2. Licensed Joshua to perform genocidal exterminations of every living man, woman and child of at least 7 people groups.
      3. Allowed Solomon to have 1000 wives but sends modern day polygamists to hell.
      4. Destroyed two whole cities because of their sexual choices, not to mention turn an innocent woman into salt for the abominable crime of looking around.
      5. Was responsible for more killing, smiting, punishment, judgment, censorship and changing of rules than any of the most evil dictators of history, if the bible is to be believed…
      6. Answers your prayers about: your football team winning; which job to take; getting that new car; or how to forgive some poor sod who doesn’t know they did anything wrong – but can’t feed a dying child in the Sudan; or save a drowning child in Haiti; or heal a friend with AIDS – quite selective really.
   3. That the end of the world is coming soon and that all the conflict happening in Israel and the Middle East is all just God preparing to return to finally judge all the evildoers so that the good guys can get on with living forever in Heaven – and if there’s anything you can do to make it all happen a little quicker you’ll be delighted to help out. After all, who cares about all the Arabs and Muslims dying and suffering, it’s all part of God’s loving and generous plan for mankind who he made in his image.

It strikes me that it’s pretty hard to be religious and NOT be a fanatic! All the rules (of all religions) require faith-based obedience. The only way to keep from becoming a suicide bomber is to hang onto the ‘good’ bits of your religion and flatly ignore the embarrassing, illogical, insane parts.

Looking forward to your responses!